haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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