I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
