somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
