she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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