Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
where does the pee come out of this thing
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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