opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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