the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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