is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
