the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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