my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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