No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
