Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
