You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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