I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
