Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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