please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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