direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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