Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
