Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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