I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
