Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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