I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
