Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize