Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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