all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
