The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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