Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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