Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
