Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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