I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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