Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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