and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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