so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize