If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
