If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
