i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
