she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
