So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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