oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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