Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
