wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize