There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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