Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
