Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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