She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
