areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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