I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
