wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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