My sheets look like a crime scene.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
