I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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