FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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