he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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