i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
