I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
