Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
