worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize