gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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