i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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