he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
