How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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