umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
