I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
