i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
