Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
