I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
