The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
