Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
