So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize