Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
