I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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