i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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