my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
